Do you feel like these repeated awakenings are all sharply defined, specific incidents that seem important even at the time, that perhaps then unfold further?
It's interesting, I feel like I've only ever had a sense that an event was impactful in retrospect - some crack in the armor appears, I become hungry for knowledge and experience relating to the crack, and slowly shift who I am over the next months and often years. Only recently did I have a very sharp, impactful incident that felt important, and it also took a month or two to become clear how important it would be. Maybe I'm lucky in this way, that I get to experience change gradually.
That's such a good question -- it gives me a lot to think about and reflect on. I have had some awakenings that were prompted by very specific events that felt profound the moment they happened, but it's true that it often takes months if not years for me to see the event with clarity and become the person I need to become after that awakening. It's almost like an awakening is a certain shape, and over time we slowly learn how to embody that shape.
One example of this for me is religion: I had been a devout believer my entire life, and then one day my faith disappeared the very moment I finished reading some random article. That's a sharply defined, specific incident that I knew was important and would be life-altering when it happened, but it took me many years to comfortably change -- and to realize that, in fact, there were many other gradual, background changes I was unconsciously experiencing which enabled that defined incident in the first place.
There are other awakenings that, like you, are much slower and more gradual and only become apparent to me upon reflection later. Like being more open to marriage. I can't really pinpoint exactly when I became more open to it, just that I did.
The slower changes feel much more beautiful and manageable to me, so it does seem like you are lucky to mostly have those!
> It's almost like an awakening is a certain shape, and over time we slowly learn how to embody that shape.
I love that. Rings true for me too.
For some of the slower ones, in retrospect I can pinpoint the change in my thinking that allowed them to occur, but I think your metaphor that suddenly a new shape became available to me and it took me a long time to see it and fill it out is pretty apt.
This is a beautiful reflection 🩵
Taylor ❤️ thank you!!
Do you feel like these repeated awakenings are all sharply defined, specific incidents that seem important even at the time, that perhaps then unfold further?
It's interesting, I feel like I've only ever had a sense that an event was impactful in retrospect - some crack in the armor appears, I become hungry for knowledge and experience relating to the crack, and slowly shift who I am over the next months and often years. Only recently did I have a very sharp, impactful incident that felt important, and it also took a month or two to become clear how important it would be. Maybe I'm lucky in this way, that I get to experience change gradually.
That's such a good question -- it gives me a lot to think about and reflect on. I have had some awakenings that were prompted by very specific events that felt profound the moment they happened, but it's true that it often takes months if not years for me to see the event with clarity and become the person I need to become after that awakening. It's almost like an awakening is a certain shape, and over time we slowly learn how to embody that shape.
One example of this for me is religion: I had been a devout believer my entire life, and then one day my faith disappeared the very moment I finished reading some random article. That's a sharply defined, specific incident that I knew was important and would be life-altering when it happened, but it took me many years to comfortably change -- and to realize that, in fact, there were many other gradual, background changes I was unconsciously experiencing which enabled that defined incident in the first place.
There are other awakenings that, like you, are much slower and more gradual and only become apparent to me upon reflection later. Like being more open to marriage. I can't really pinpoint exactly when I became more open to it, just that I did.
The slower changes feel much more beautiful and manageable to me, so it does seem like you are lucky to mostly have those!
> It's almost like an awakening is a certain shape, and over time we slowly learn how to embody that shape.
I love that. Rings true for me too.
For some of the slower ones, in retrospect I can pinpoint the change in my thinking that allowed them to occur, but I think your metaphor that suddenly a new shape became available to me and it took me a long time to see it and fill it out is pretty apt.
Hope you will keep writing :)